Beautiful Sensitive Fearless

Photo by Julia Kadel on Unsplash

There are pieces of me that are so sensitive right now. I’m sensitive to the sun and the rain. I’m sensitive to the beauty of the leaves and the vast measurements of the clouds in the sky. I’m sensitive to the shades of life and shaping of my breath in all the empty, unseen moments. 

My voice breaks as I push too hard. I lose my breath in a staggering shutter and then find it as I reach the daunted but glowing sunset. “Job well done…” the voice cackles as I try to hold my insides together.

My head screeches like nails to a chalkboard. I’m sensitive to the thoughts that could be but most likely aren’t. They’re tearing me apart and all I can do is hold my head in a protective state, guard my heart but what does that make?

I’m sensitive and I’m reeling because I might break, but I won’t back down. I refuse to hide or mask my face. I know I’m nothing. I’m in my most humble state. I have nothing to lose or take. 

I’m sensitive, but somehow it’s making me fearless. I won’t fall apart. I’ll crouch in the rain and sink low into the mud. I’ll find reason in melted metals dripping down my fingers, sliding down so thick, but so satisfyingly smooth. 

I’m finding meaning beneath papers of research and hours hidden behind hollow doors. I refuse discouragement. I denounce anything less than progress and movement. 

I’m not sure what I’m learning, but I’m fighting. I’m not sure what it all means, but I’m taking it in and studying the curves. 

You’d do good to leave me be at this point in time. You’d do good to keep the doors closed and ignore my endless scribblings and letters. You’d do yourself a favor to pocket the notes, but take a different route home. Gift the howling pack a more challenging track to follow.

You’d do good to study the defining shadows between fear and being fearless. They both hold a purpose and you’ll want to know which side you’re on when the time comes. You’ll want to make your stance count and give reason for the chase.

Let the mountain grow taller. Lose your way and then find it all the same. You’re never lost, but you may lose your mind if you don’t challenge all the weaker places in the ground beneath you. Turn the lights off or on. Do what works for you. Sleep long or short. Work a lot or slow it down.

It doesn’t matter to me, but it should matter to you. Crack in the pressure of being a little more sensitive. Indulge in the things that make you fearless. Take charge of the thoughts that could be and make them be.