I Close My Eyes
I never saw the value in closing my eyes. I always found it easier to focus if I kept my eyes open. Maybe that’s why I like to analyze. I like to think I’m just getting myself prepared, but lately I’ve found something better. I stop staring and looking ahead, instead I close my eyes. It’s better, more clarifying, calming. So now, I settle in and wonder, what more can I see if I just keep my eyes closed? At what point can I hear more, if I lay still and let the world speak for itself.
No more squinting or bending my back twice over with a straining stretch forward. I find I actually stay right where I’m at and let my feelings be what they are. I don’t run or hide, instead I stop expecting more and simply accept and love myself in the moment.
When I close my eyes, I can lean in closer to the sounds of rain and keep my windows open longer. I laugh at the silence in the mornings and let the sound of my sheets be the last breath on my lips at night.
When I close my eyes, I stop using other tools to zoom in and get too close. My thoughts slow down and meditative breath gives me freedom to live. If I close my eyes, I find that when I step on rocks, I can feel the pain a little better and I can pay attention to the brokenness that needs to heal. I find the existence of timeless scars that mark skin connecting to skin, both on the outside and within.
Because life is too short to keep my eyes on the wrong things. Life is too short to restlessly fight being awake, even at night. Life is not long enough to ask for your sight back after blinding yourself with sadness disguised as anger. When I close my eyes, I save me from myself and protect the memory of the view worth holding onto.
Yes, to close my eyes at key times tunes me into the most valuable of truths. Night is an opportunity to hear more. It’s a fine tuning to memorize your steps and take a bit of risk when the need arises. It allows me to rely on those around me and recognize that I’m not alone.
In fact, when I close my eyes, not focused on myself, I find a depth of beauty in my friends around me. I actually get to know the sound of their steps better. I find comfort in their laugh and can sense the hesitation right before they cry. We can feel weight and pick it up. We can find a way through it together. But sometimes you have to close your eyes to see it. Sometimes I have to close my eyes to notice what can’t be noticed when my eyes are open.
