Find Your Way
Photo by Alexander Mils on Unsplash
I feel like I’m standing in a dimmed room staring at a giant round, iron weight. Voices all around me chant for me to pick it up. Empty halls echo, leading to where I stand. I should feel the strength of their chant, but all I want to do is walk away.
“Forget it.”
Tell them, “nah, I’m good.”
As I slightly turn my body and angle away, I realize that I can’t do it. I can’t walk away. That would be the easy way out, the route that challenges me less and gives me excuses on why I’m too weak to try. The way that says, I can’t do it and I shouldn’t do it, even if I should. It’s the direction that would let me settle for something in my life. It might not be big, but it would be settling, and there would be a slight bend that I was never meant to form into.
I’m not one to take the easy way out, but while facing this heavy weight, part of me wishes I were. I could yell, “I’m over it, all of it and none of it.” I could kick rocks and stomp away. I could cave in and choose to protect the broken pieces of myself, hide them away and cover the bruises.
My skin itches… from stress or irritation, does it matter? What’s the difference between anxiety and stress? Does it matter? It doesn’t matter. None of it matters and yet this simple decision does. My decision, my choice to fight or back down, to start training or to bow out. But I can’t bow out. I have to try, but first, I have to recognize where I am.
It’s time to embrace my unique training and walk in the way only I know how to. Sometimes we limit ourselves to only do things the way people tell us to. That is where we start to hurt ourselves, by stretching in ways we weren’t created to bend and stretch. Or we expect an outcome based on something we’ve seen happen, but that was never meant to be our journey. I can’t keep doing it the way I have been, or the way I’ve seen it done. I have to find my own way, stay in my own lane and be who I am along the way.
Sure, the voices echo and chant, but they aren’t my guiding light. They could be wrong or right. That’s up to them, but the way I do this is up to me. It has to come from a knowing and a prayer that cries out from within. It has to be sure and steady, peace filled and still. I have to be uniquely myself and confident in that. I have to live out what this whole blog is about, pursuing adventure, healing and transparency along the way, finding a little mischief in each day and discovering joy that fills every area of my life… and then there was strength and alignment that had to be formed in order to start taking my feet off the ground.
