In the In-Between
Photo by Margaret Polinder on Unsplash
Dear friend, I don’t know where you find yourself today, but I want to encourage you to reminisce and take steps, to remember and learn, to slow down and keep going.
When I close my eyes at the end of this second week in October, I feel the hot afternoon sun on my skin. I can smell the cooler breeze introducing fall and kissing the summer in a patient farewell. Summer has truly become a memory, and the happenings of early fall remind me that pumpkin spice is on the menu and yet, I feel like I’m just barely waking up. I’m coming out of some kind of fog and all of my muscles are a little sore as I try to move and get up. I don’t even really love pumpkin spice, but do I? The thought of finding out gives me a stomach ache. I’m not in the mood.
Fall is beckoning a need for sweaters and as if over night, the leaves are changing as our first snow threatens the week ahead. I bring out my winter clothes, but it’s still sunny and that’s a little disorienting, yet it mirrors maybe my current state of mind.
I’m torn by time moving too quickly and yet fully embracing the current moment. Sometimes I need things to slow down because change takes processing and adaptation. It takes letting go in order to get ready for what’s coming.
I find myself stalled out emotionally and in this space, a numb sensation finds a comfy corner in my heart. I’m holding on, but I’m letting go. I’m still in pain, but I’m getting stronger.
“It takes time,” I tell myself. You can’t rush it, healing or processing, loss or grief, learning or growing.
I may just be rambling at this point, but do you get it? Do you feel it? Are you a little disoriented by something that has happened or by something that hasn’t happened yet or by the clash of happening and not happening all at once?
Take a deep breath, slow down as you need, but don’t stop. We have to keep going, keep walking, keep moving. It’s okay to be in the in-between, to have your sweaters and your shorts out. To feel the pain of loss, but also the gift of life and new beginnings. It’s okay that you haven’t tried the flavor of the season. You have to give yourself the grace to slow down, but to also keep knocking, trying and seeking.
I don’t know where you find yourself today, but if you’re sad, mad, frustrated or whatever... slow down. Sort through the pieces. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and then maybe even take a nap. It’s okay if you’re not doing so great, but you’re doing great. The things you’re walking into are good. Change is good. “New” is good. You’re good.
